Oh! Costco!

Sometimes I have to leave Northampton to buy things. Like tires. You can get tires in Northampton, but we joined Costco to get deals on things like that. So sometimes we have to drag ourselves down I-91.

Costco and I have a good, respectful relationship and they have a good corporate reputation. Nonetheless, the following is how every single trip to Costco plays out in my head.

###

Gosh the people who work here are nice. And not even in a pasted-on smile kind of way.

Cool biz, I can transfer our family videos to DVD here! Gotta remember to do that.

Look at all these great deals up front. Fred needs a new jacket—maybe I should call him about this one. And hey, my cell phone even works in here.

Damn, if we ever need a new TV, we’re buying it here.

Look at all these appliances. Maybe I should finally replace the microwave. Eh, I’ll wait a little longer.

I LOVE this place!

Wow, those folding tables are inexpensive. We need a folding table, don’t we?

I wonder if I can lift that package of batteries.

Ooh, the food. Oh, the giant chocolate cake. Oh the gargantuan pies. Samples!

Nom nom nom.

Maybe I should buy lots of this food and stock up until the end of time. Too overwhelming, too overwhelming, too overwhelming. Keep moving.

Those blueberries aren’t local, are they?

How can anyone find room in their house for that much toilet paper?

I could never use that much food.

Why does anyone need these giant packages of food?

WHY DOES ANYONE NEED THIS MUCH FOOD? WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS COUNTRY?

GIANT MAYONNAISE???

COFFEE, COFFEE, COFFEE!

Can I afford a $30 bottle of calcium even if it is a bargain?

I hate this place.

What? No bags?

Aaaaand scene.

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5 Responses to Oh! Costco!

  1. Jo says:

    John and I attempt to remember our little Costco meditation and mutter it under our breath while we’re there. I forget what it is right now. Something about being still water and stuff. The only things I hate about Costco are the parking lot and the customers. And of course, the customers are what make the parking lot horrible. Okay then, just the customers. And to give big food its due, please remember that restaurants, etc., also shop at Costco; I believe the giant mayo is for them. Although I do know some regular people who buy those things. And yes, there is something wrong with them (the people).

  2. litlc says:

    Don’t restaurants use restaurant supplies companies?

  3. Dan says:

    The author has issues that extend beyond Costco!

  4. Bill says:

    Ah, we live a mile, one blooming mile, from what we’re told is an “upscale” Costco. So close, in moments of utter lunacy, we will attempt “quick,” neighborhood store like visits. 20 years of formal schooling, almost 40 when paired, and we actually think that is a good idea ??

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